Today I am taking on board my good friend Paul's suggestion to write an essay about what I did on holiday. I am looking forward to the challenge and for your added interest and essay viewing experience, I shall write about not one, but as many of my holidays as I can remember.
It would seem prudent to begin this assignment the way one would start a CV and the judging of a beauty pageant - in reverse order. ( By the way, a quick aside. I found out today there is a 'Miss Liverpool' contest. Do you think I should enter? )
So I will tell you about my most recent holiday, which was a trip to Cornwall last year.Cornwall is probably one of my most favourite places in the world, after the giant ASDA at Hunts Cross and the South Parkway bus station. I was introduced to Cornwall at as a youngster on family holidays and have always felt an affinity with the rugged scenic landscape, the majestic cliffs of Land's End and the huge volumes of cornish pasties,cream teas and novelty confectionary items which are so readily available. Luckily, Diet Coke is also available on demand in the region of Cornwall, so it really is a place that offers most marvellous value for money in terms of holiday experience.On this particular trip to Cornwall, I did many varied and exciting things. I ate a cornish pastie within an hour of arrival. I discovered 4 charity shops which sold a much better class of rubbish than in Liverpool. I visited the Tate Modern in St.Ives and walked out after 5 minutes because all the art was pretentious crap. I went to the Eden project and enjoyed having my photo taken next to a giant model bumble bee. I went into the tropical dome and stormed out after 10 seconds because it was too hot and my hair was threatening to go frizzy. I couldn't believe that with all the money they had spent constructing the project, they had not thought to put air con in the tropical dome. I went to Penzance and bought some pink shoes. I also sent 9 postcards in the shape of a cornish pastie.
It was a great trip. Another holiday that stands out is the trip to New York I took with Jeni in 1999. This trip was a fantastic voyage of discovery, where I learned so many things including the fact that Jeni has no sense of direction whatsoever. You wouldn't think it was possible to confuse 'uptown' and 'downtown', however she managed it on an almost daily basis. Although it could be said we are both a gigantic pair of whoppers because we spent all week looking for the Empire State Building and then found out we could see it out of our hotel window. My personal highlight of the trip was discovering a giant Sephora make up shop on Broadway. I spent over $100 dollars on items to improve my outward visage and it can only be described as the closest thing to heaven without actually dying.
Heading further back into the past I can pull out a trip to Paris,also with Jeni, as being one of my favourites. This trip was arranged through the Liverpool Echo which was a mistake as we spent 15 hours on an 'Ogden's' coach getting motorway madness before we arrived in the city of light. Then when we got off the coach, our bodies were stuck in the shape of the seats for 2 days. There are so many highlights of this trip, but I think I speak for both of us when I say the best has to be asking directions to the Eiffel Tower, in french, when we were stood underneath it!!! Mon hilarious,oui?
In 1995, I ventured to Cyprus on a family holiday and this stands out as the only time I can recall in life where I had a fully tanned body. Mostly, in our British climate I can only ever achieve a slight redness of the skin and if I really hammer it, the back of my neck goes brown. However, Cyprus gave me a deep conker colour which I beefed up as much as possible towards the end by applying factor nothing sun oil. Cyprus was a time of wild abandon as I had just been dumped by a rogue who had declared he was in love with not I, but his best friend's girlfriend. So I visited the birthplace of Aphrodite footloose and fancy free and attracted much welcome and much unwelcome attention. Once I had sorted out which attention was welcome and which wasn't, I ended up with a boyfriend who was in the Army over there. It was all very romantic at first and we exchanged many letters when I got back. That was until I realised I was too high maintenance to have a boyfriend 3000 miles away. Plus, he confessed one day that he had eaten a penguin on manouvres in the Falkland Isles. These two factors caused the ultimate demise of the relationship.
So that's the highlights of some of the holidays I have taken in my life. I do hope you have enjoyed this trip down memory lane with me and I look forward to receiving my next essay title.
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Do not enter Ms. Liverpool. You do not want to stand out as the only female contestant (bet you some trannies will try to have a go) with unyellowed teeth and boobs the same size. Glad you got rid of the cyprian penguin-eater...there must be something truly wrong with someone who would eat Chilly Willy. As for the directionally challenged Jeni...it seems you both, like me were born without that inner magnet that all men have which inherently lets us know which way is north, or at least which way the Empire State Building is pointing. I'm jealous of your Sephora eupohoria. I cannot afford the sumptuous wares that are peddled there. Thanks for sharing your fabulous travel tid-bits. I hope there will be more forthcoming!
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