Laura thinks business

I was watching The Apprentice the other night with Alan, when they all had to pitch ideas for greetings cards. It occured to me during my viewing that I had more business acumen than all of the contestants,Sir Alan Sugar and his 2 assistants put together! Everyone in that boardroom had overlooked some crucial gaps in the market, cardwise. Thus, I present to you the following ingenious pitches...

'With Deepest Sympathy that your primary bath mat came out of the wash all creased''

'Congratulations on your painting full of visual stimuli that does not just depict sea, but boats, lighthouses and sharks''

So sorry you had to go to Vauxhall Rd for work on Thursday'

I am sending my ideas to Clinton Cards in due course. With regard to the latter card suggestion, I am still deeply traumatised from having to visit the aforementioned Vauxhall Rd region. I am no stranger to the ghetto, having grown up in Huyton,but this place sinks to new levels of guttural prehistoric depravity. If you have never been, it is like the Bronx, but not as glamorous. Everyone calls everyone else 'lad', even if they are girls, although admittedly the fairer sex is few and far between in this testosterone filled landscape.The swaggering youths who inhibit the environs are decked out in a uniform of either boiler suit or lacoste trackie. I stood out in my bright yellow Primark top and 3 tiered shot silk blue Topshop skirt,both set off to perfection by a pair of navy tights.The only saving grace about this trip was that I could pay a visit to my beloved Alan, who in order to pay his rent is forced to incarcerate himself in the library there. I exchanged pleasant conversation with Louise also and they both told me of their exciting day ahead sensitising books and 'reading'shelves. This is library techno speak for simply tidying the books up. Fascinating stuff. I didn't actually see anyone borrow a book while I was there but I am sure it must go on. To finish today's business themed entry, I can tell you that when I arrived at my desk at work on Friday, I was astonished to find 2 packs of business cards had been left for me! Finally I have arrived in the world and can be classed as an important human being. I immediately gave one out to everyone in the office. Nobody accepted my offer of a signed card. Such fools, it is their loss as they will be worth a fortune one day.