Laura and the organised wardrobe

It was disgustingly hot today and so I opted to face up to my chaotic wardrobe rather than brave the scorching sun. If you recall, I lost control of my wardrobe some time ago and had not found sufficient motivation to deal with it. It has been bothering me though. I don't like to complain, with all the poverty,hurricanes,animal cruelty and sexual misconduct in the world, but privately it has been eating me up inside. Everytime I glanced at the heaving piles of miscellaneous outfits it was like a slow death of the soul.It could carry on no longer. I had to formulate a plan. I decided it would be important to isolate the 'work' genre of clothing into its own area. By work attaire, I mean stuff that is not quite as bright,retro and garish as the rest of my clothes. I created a 'work' area in the lilac canvas contraption from the Argos. Impressed at my organisational efforts thus far, I took the bold step of rummaging through my jewellery in order to ascertain if any of it could be classified as 'work' in style. By work jewellery, I mean stuff that is not quite as flamboyant,huge and costume themed as the rest. I could feel my chest swelling with pride as I observed how neat and tidy my new work wardrobe looked.I then decided to tackle the chaos in the 2 main fitted wardrobes. By fitted I mean some hapless DIY enthusiast had gone jigsaw crazy and knocked up a couple of rough wooden shapes with some doors on the front. Doors I might add which do not shut properly, leading to an accumulation of dust upon one's carefully chosen garb.I realised with some concern, that the only way to achieve self actualisation in these wardrobes would be to take everything out, release it of dust and then clean all the coat hangers of dust. This arduous task took several hours and caused much coughing and irritation to my only recently healed tracheal passages. Plus, a wasp flew in one of the wardrobes and refused to come out which added a whole new level of danger to the proceedings.Imagine my alarm when fully ensconced in clothes dusting and wasp avoidance, the heavens opened and a storm broke out. The brief moment of relief I felt at the cleansing air was quickly replaced by blind panic. Great big crashing bangs of thunder bellowed across the sky as a flood of angry rain battered against my double glazing.I did what any self respecting independent post modern feminist woman would do - sent a whimpering text to my boyfriend announcing I was scared. Alan replied immediately with words of comfort, but as he was in Yorkshire, there was little else he could do. To be honest, even if he was here I am not sure there would have been much he could have done. Alan is just as scared of thunder as I am. He is more scared of thunder than he is of spiders and that is saying something. I asked him once why this was so and he said, 'Beacuse you can't hoover thunder up'.I had to take cover under the duvet until the storm passed, wherupon I commenced my wardrobe tidying operation. Eventually,all items of clothing and hangers were dust free. I arranged the 'leisure' section of my remaining clothes into rough categories such as 'skirts/dresses','jeans','funky t-shirts','mad 70's partywear' etc.I pondered the issue of how to avoid the dust coming back. I realised that if I knew the answer to that I would be a millionaire so instead I tried to fix the problem by thinking 'outside the box'. I knew I could never stop the dust, thousands had tried before me and failed at the mercy of this menace to civilisation.I decided to drape large pieces of material over my clothing as it hung. This meant the material would collect the dust, while the clothes underneath would remain sparkling and fragrant. I could then shake the material out in due course, rather than dusting and shaking individual items of clothing.I must admit I was amazed at my own ingenuity. I knew I should have stayed on in education and studied for my PHD in astrophysics.I made the final touches to my wardrobe revamp by arranging my shoes in easy to find, colour coded rows.With a flourish, I stood back and admired the fruits of my labour. I had achieved great things and felt at one with nature and the universe. The insurmountable problem had been tackled and conquered. I was a better person now with a humility and strength inside. I was closer to God. Enlightenment beckoned through the rails of orderly clothes. I now knew the true meaning of life.