Laura and the squirrels

Yesterday, Alan and I took it upon ourselves to go and visit the squirrels at Freshfield. We bought a bag of nuts and excitedly trampled through the forest in search of the bushy tailed creatures.

To our immense disappointment however, we did not see a single squirrel. This was due to the fact that they were all suffering from squirrel pox and were unavailable for comment. We were so angry that we had paid 30p for nuts and driven all that way for nothing. Alan was so incensed that he is going to write to the National Trust and complain. I honestly don't know what those squirrels were thinking of. Surely a bit of calamine lotion, applied discreetly under a bush would have rectified the problem and enabled them to greet their visitors in their usual charming and excitable manner?Our day out was ruined by this preposterous state of affairs.

We decided to proceed to the nearest drinking establishment post haste for some ales.I had a very stiff diet coke and Alan partook of a glass of wine while we contemplated our ruined day. Over a plate of hot salmon wraps and chips, I suggested we go and see the Gormley statues on Crosby beach.This idea was met with enthusiasm and so we set off in Al's red Fiat Punto. We enjoyed a pleasant walk across the marina, but after 5 seconds of looking at the (crap) statues I became insufferably bored and needed to leave. Plus, the large volumes of sand were making me very uncomfortable. I have never enjoyed the company of sand as it is such a ridiculous and messy substance. Plus, I am still traumatised from the time my feet disappeared into it as a toddler and I feared I may never see them again.

From the Gormley exhibit, we headed off to another cultural epicentre - the Morrisons supermarket in Speke. I needed to pick up some essentials. This included the following:

24 cans of diet coke
12 cans of fizzy vimto
28 packets of crisps
2 vanilla slices
Comfort fabric conditioner in 'Temptation' flavour, with new movement release technology.
And much much more.

I was pleased to note on my bill that I had saved £8.90 on multisave offers.Alan and I arrived at my chateau early evening and then we watched 4 hours of live Big Brother. Lisa was having a full facial shave in the bath. We ate our cakes and thanked the Lord we were so perfectly matched in our Saturday night entertainment expectations.