Laura and the argument that tea and coffee are EVIL!!

There has been much debate in my office recently about what kind of topic I should discuss in my next blog. Somebody actually had the audacity to suggest I write one saying diet coke was bad! I know, it's unbelievable isn't it? This could never happen, but there are plenty of drinks that are horrible, so I will start with tea and coffee.

As far as I am concerned they are both as bad as each other. They are a nasty brown colour, they stink and they are hot. I hate brown,stinky hot things and I cannot understand why people would want to introduce such a substance into their mouths.

To me, they look like a cup of hot mud and the fumes induce a near vomiting reaction. I do not understand why people need to drink these beverages constantly. There is no way you could be that thirsty that you have to have one every few hours, even in summer when it is too hot for a hot drink.The worst thing about tea and coffee is the mug. People often tend to use the same mug over and over without washing it properly, just giving it a quick rinse in between liquid mud fixes. This means that unattractive brown 'rings' build up in the mug which are impossible to scrub off.Then there is the problem of going out with someone who is an avid fan of tea and coffee. No matter how much you adore someone, it is ghastly to lean towards their face for a smooch and get a whiff of vile tea breath.I have never liked tea and coffee and according to my mum, I was given tea in my bottle as a youngster and spat it out. It was heartwarming to know I was always assured of my own mind, even as a nipper.

I was asked in my office what I did when I needed a hot drink. The answer is, I never need a hot drink. Drinks should be cold, according to manufacturers instructions. It seems I am something of a living controversy with my aversion to the heated beverage, so for all you readers who are thinking along the same lines, I can tell you that I also hate bovril,hot chocolate and herbal tea. There is never any need for a hot drink.The only exception is Lemsip, which I will indulge in at times of sickness. However, I regard this as a medicine rather than a hot drink.

To quote my dear friend Stella, the teabags in work taste like 'piss'. I would argue that they all taste like piss and sometimes like shit.

If everyone gave up tea and coffee, the world economy would right itself in an instant. We could save millions in this country if we did not buy teabags,coffee,kettles,teaspoons and mugs. We could use this money on other badly needed resources such as diet coke on the NHS, free Heat magazines to people earning less than £18,000 per annum and 'Blogger of the Year' parties.Lost working hours spent making hot beverages could be reclaimed and people could go home an hour earlier.They did not have tea and coffee in caveman times, so why have we got them now? Prehistoric man survived pretty well on water,Um Bongo jungle juice and diet coke, so I propose we go back to basics and rid our society of these terrible drinks, which in my opinion are the work of the devil.